Adult Bullying Series: Acknowledging Bullies Beyond Childhood, Part 1.

Confession: Nothing will bring out my inner warrior princess like injustice.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post, but I’m all kinds of fired up at the moment. It’s amazing what can inspire you to write, and how, out of the blue, you have inspiration. Sadly what inspired me this time around was seeing another treated poorly, and bystanders getting all Lord of Fliesian on each other.

Kill the Pig, Kill the Pig.

You know the mentality. The herd mentality; where suddenly the crowd has a big dopamine hit from whatever cause they are supporting, and innocent bystanders are taken out in their emotional fervor. The good ole’ herd mentality where normally rational humans, suddenly overtaken by their emotions adopt certain behaviors they normally wouldn’t. Like focusing their collective microscopic vision on a single target.

Like supporting bullies.

I was bullied, actually. For the majority of my childhood. I grew to fear going to school, and would often come home in tears because damn, kids are relentless. What was worse, their parents knew and also did nothing. It was something that eventually I came to accept, and thought less of myself for so many years. Not unlike the dolomite underneath Niagara Falls. The constant rush of water erodes away the dolomite slowly over time. Bullies heap abuse on you, and it slowly erodes away your sense of self.

Eventually I found supportive people in my life, and now realize what an A-OK person I am. This took years of self actualization, though, and still in quiet moments I can have loads of doubt about my value. We all deserve to think of ourselves as awesome, and to progress through life without assholes.

But that’s not how it works. We don’t leave bullies in our childhood, we find them in our adulthood too. We find them in unexpected place we shouldn’t.

According to Psychology Today:

“A bully can be an aggressive juvenile, an intimidating boss or colleague, a controlling romantic partner, an unruly neighbor, a high pressure sales/business representative, a condescending family member, a shaming social acquaintance, or those in a variety of other types of abusive relationships.”

The unfortunate truth of life is we cannot avoid bullies no matter how hard we try. For those who have endured bullying. I’m sorry. It super sucks. I wish I could have been there to defend you and stick up for you, and to do everything I wish had been done for me. Truth. You deserve all the love in the world, and please reach out to us if you need to talk.

Back to bullies. Because they are assholes. We can try and be empathetic about them, but it’s a power trip, and these narcissistic fools tend to get away with it more often than naught. After a childhood fraught with them, I’m kinda done, and I want to help those who are still encountering bullies.

Generally when bullying tends to happen, people start to fall into 1 or 4 categories.

  1. The bully/aggressor.
  2. The bullied
  3. The silent bystander.
  4. The champion of others.

Bullying unintentionally creates a complex social ecosystem with an atmosphere of consequence and retaliation against any person who tries to right the wrong. There is no right or wrong in this situation either (unless you’re the bully, then you’re just a big jerk face). Many people need to consider if speaking up will cause retaliation and impact to their livelihood. It’s not as easy as raising your hand, or not.

While this is a topic I could keep writing about today, I would rather include the extended conversation in our next podcast.

Have you been bullied as an adult? In your career? How have you handled it? How should we help others who are being bullied?

I’d love to hear your tips on how to help those who are being bullied, and how we can reduce the herd mentality so others don’t gang up on the bullied.

Reach out to us here to tell us your story.

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